Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

plenty of rain to sustain





The heart that breaks open can contain the whole universe. -

--Joanna Macy



Forgive me for my whiny as of late complaining posts...truly, I have no reason to complain. I've got a roof over my head, my health and beautiful, beautiful surroundings- including the best friends and children a person could ever hope for. A love of life and the love of my life- this is more than enough for anyone, and it doesn't take a ding dong like me long to figure that out, though sometimes tractors, ancient tractors- get me down because it is a must have tool that I need to keep this place running. Sometimes when things get beyond my expertise and fail me, I guess I get to thinking somehow I have failed. But the whole picture looks like this:


When things break down, I don't have to.


When times get tough, so can I.


When something needs to be done, I can do it- thank goodness I have the capacity of mind to know what I have to do- and can and will do.


When time gets out of hand and runs out, I will not.


When my knees get sore and tired, I will not- I do my best work sometimes upon my knees...praying, pleading, changing oil, getting under the problem and of course, always the one sure thing- gardening.


When people do not react to me with loving kindness, I will anyway.


When the world seems against me, I will be willing to back up a bit and get out of the way. It's way is not my way- never has been, I'll let it pass.


And please, when I get to whining- just tell me to shut up. It serves no purpose to bring others down too.


Four walls and a roof does suffice. (Especially when those four walls are surrounded by trees and flowers and plenty of rain to sustain.)


Oh yes and certainly so...when our hearts are broken, perhaps it is because they only need to break open, the break is not the final assault, it is a beginning in an opening for more, always more.


I have not been out mushrooming again, yet...my grass is getting almost too high for the mower, my farm is presenting more problems for me to heed before the actual sale. Every time the contractor shows up, he seems to say-"the price has gone up on everything."

And I wonder how long my funds will last, will it be enough, can I keep rolling and plugging away, can I truly sell all that is, all I've known, all that I have worked so hard for...and the answer is an affirmative-YES.


Had to break open a bit to see the big, enormous, scary, terrifying, great, mysterious, fascinating, enduring picture. After all, that's what true wonders do...never cease.


Can I get an amen?!


Take care-




Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The Young Pioneers



Speaking of the future in past posts, I thought it a good time to speak of my favorite future pioneers-my children and some of their accomplices. Now make sure you caught that last word- not accomplishments, but accomplices. Never will you hear me speak of my children as in perfection. After all...poor kids- look who their role model is.

First we have Emma, I haven't shed much light on that major source of light in my life. She no longer lives at home and isn't all that impressed by me exposing her personal history. But, I'm just going to take a shot here, knock down her walls a bit by writing about her. My eldest daughter is boisterous, loving, laughing, livid, lovely and crazy. Matter of fact- she herself says she has a "black belt in crazy." She is the kind of person that would bring life into a room , everyone present would be wondering if there had been a power surge- the room would remain lit up, even after her exit. It is hard to write about this dear, she is constantly evolving...hard to describe. Emma is a rush. Never a trickle but a full cascade. Bigger than life, this one. Imagine her journeys...

And now, drum roll please...Mathew. My son, my big, big boy. He wandered in today to show me his two new lip piercings. AAAARRRRGGGGHHH! And yet...whatever. It's your face sunshine...do what you want. My only negative comment was-"Are you sure that is employable?!" But...he also looked pretty trendy in a hip sort of way. He thought so too, and felt pretty cute about the whole thing. He is one smart cookie, too smart sometimes...and this lands him into deep conflicts with himself. He questions everything...I admire this trait and abhor it all at the same time. (Although, he may just be a chip off the old block.) Another comedian here...it's hard to stay mad at Mathew, he'll say something funny and I just have to leave the room...in peels of laughter (some times while pulling my hair out...)Mathew is a big ship in a little stream. He hasn't quite yet learned the tricky navigation to get down stream and out into the ocean...but there is no doubt in my mind, he will.

And then there's Lily- the artist, the activist, the hula hooping mediator. Lily is the last one at home...the youngest of four and finally getting her say. She speaks more so in hushed tones, drawing out statements from long thought out perspectives. She is reserved, but never shy- many make this mistake about her. Sometimes our conversations go like this," Ma- have you ever considered the deep cosmos and how they are ever changing but in a sense, due to the time extensions of the universe- slow and seemingly unchanging compared to the vast waves of change here on earth?" Me-"HUH?!" Talk about contemplating...she often has to explain her big sentences (as in broader views) in smaller words for her dear "Ma" as she calls me. We never have arguments, we have discussions. And she usually goes so far over my head that I then- rebel. "Oh yeah?! Well, um....your room is a mess, Missy. Go clean it." Trump baby, trump. Oh yeah-



My adopted boy, Eric- oh what a fine man. I took this boy to heart several years ago-never was I given a choice. My eldest son, Beau- would come home with little Eric tagging along. "Mom, he will always be here for supper on Sunday and part of this family, understand?" An ultimatum rarely given by my son- so of course I did understand. It meant that Beau had adopted Eric as a brother and we would respect and love him too. We do. Even after the Marine gig, the tours, always the visits home would include Beau first gathering up Eric and walking through the door, often together. And now, our Eric joins us always in light and dark and we love him and expect him to soar, as he "makes his dreams come true...and he decides the rest." (Besides, he's got Katie by his side...what more could a man want?! Kater-tot, a good woman and teacher too. Hint, hint....good woman, hard to come by mister.)



Now Beka is the last of the adoptees, well maybe not the last...but we took her to our heart often enough to be filled by her grace. Now, we overflow and can't keep it all to ourselves- yes sirreee, she taught us well. Oh, and soon- she'll be the teacher you hope your children get- the one that will remain in their hearts, even when their 90. Beka doesn't leave impressions so much as she leaves love every where...she's lovely and loving and kinder than most. But...I've seen her riled, oooohhh, don't get her ire up. When folks such as Beka, true through and through- get a little bent out of shape by the misdeeds of another who is not so true, just mean- well, it's kind of like a lightening storm, the strike is a humbling lesson. Yes, a teacher with integrity and a lofty spirit.



Kylee, always in my heart a daughter- her first child will be my grandchild- regardless. And her groom, a son in law- a friend and loving man. We could not have hoped for a better union of love...Matt was heaven sent.


Oh, and Miss Rhi- there is blood between us and love all around. I've known her since she was born- blond and blue eyed and ornery and sweet all at the same time. I don't get to spend as much time with her now that she's older and working and always busy. But when I do- she's like a little grasshopper, showing me constantly how she's grown, teaching me things I could not learn had it not been for her perspective and liveliness midst a family from the dark ages-Ha! I'm the black sheep of the family, only I don't deny it- the rest of the brood are all gathered like sheep and living in the year 1900. "Women are meant to breed, be quiet, wait on the menfolk...." AAARRRGGHHH- Can you imagine? My family thinks I am preposterous, "Who does that woman think she is?" Rhi always seemed to think there might be more to me....thought my company was beautiful. Although, we know we're loved- it's just like picking that love out of an English Walnut...having to reallllly work hard at it. One must have realllly thick skin and accept that Neanderthals are alive and well in our own family tree.

So- the young pioneers in my life are all so very fascinating, their interests lie in things that matter... love, kindness and a family that wasn't necessarily raised under the same roof, but feels like family all the same. In my teens, I was the tomboy girl who said I'd never have children. By the time I was 30, I had had my four beautiful babies. And I always wanted more...and I got them- love always creates. When I die, let them judge me by my company of friends...and family.

Be well and take care- oh! And remember- Children are the future, can we all agree to make it a brighter one for them? In all my life, always- it was a child who offered me the brightest potential, problems and joy. The memories I keep are the ones a child created with their sense of wonder and fairness.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

It's The Ride

Good morning...and how is it going? Good, good. I heard from a friend recently, thought maybe we had parted ways after a bit of a disagreement, so glad to hear his voice and know he is doing fine. But..knowing him, he is quite a marvel- the things I take for granted, he has to courageously, diligently work at. He has wheels, and utilizes them with pure guts and grace. He does things as a farmer that I can only dream about, gets his chores down with the ability and agility of an eagle. So-should he find himself reading this, yes- I think the world of you, you're quite a man- bigger and better than most. So smile there cowboy...I've seen your mulched up heart- a composted mix of fears and tears, but mostly loyalty and love for those who are lucky enough to call you friend. Peace...

(And now, for the finale of the post here today, with you in mind-this I wrote way back when...)

Tell me about a life worth living-
A true story of stumbling, falling, rising-
Don't give me a life built on routines of fact based fiction,
That's a life dependent on training wheels.

Give me the riders on two wheels-
The ones who risk the falls
The crashes-
Who face the sun
Propelled by a sincere longing for beauty
The navigators who have made peace with themselves
And discovered , upon their journey-

It's not the race
It's the ride.

(by T.L. Starks)

Monday, December 17, 2007

To what is on the inside.


Holiday happenings here yesterday, preparations were massive in terms of cooking, cleaning, anxiety right before, wanting to cancel...snow accumulation requiring firing up the tractor to clear the way, kids came together in such a way that we pulled it all together just in time. The youngest daughter coming home from a sleep over, lane drifted shut, walked 3/4 of a mile to get home to help out- because she said she would. Lucky, bless-ed man who sees the heart there some far away day. Son took over tractor duty and cleared the drive and parking, even though he wasn't invited(girl party)-big man, good man there. Oldest daughter, goofy fun, had my ire up at first but made me laugh so hard with her "move" busting later, I almost peed my pants, joyful, joyful young woman. And then the party goers, the cookie bakers came-the table was piled high with goodies: We had cookie recipes from Sandy and Betty Crocker(hmmm, sisters?!) and a creme brulee' pie that was made for me but I was made to share it, can you imagine? Certain things aren't meant to be shared! And the zen like baker of that pie clicked away photo after photo while the zanyness was going on, frame after frame-we were jiving people! That's what she does though, brings the jive and jolly, thank goodness and Miss Aud. And the "really fast fudge" built by a gal from K.C originally, who loves organic and wants to give me money! Sure, anytime. And Meeechelle, my belle-Go buckeyes! Stimulated our conversation with her pure goodness, she does not contain her joy, ever- and we are all made the richer for it. Hey! Her chocolate chews seemed divine....she scares me sometimes, she has a direct line with YOU know who. Did I mention she's also a healer? Tis true, she massages people, and you won't be the same once she puts her hands on you. And our 3 day project girl who tusseled with the flour and cut outs and baking and decorating, not only did her cookies look bee-u-t-full, they tasted like heaven. And miss Kel and Deb from near came with their "stuff" and yes Maam, you do got the goods, don't you ever forget that, head high-walk it like you talk it-go shine. And miss aaaaah, dear sweet one to my heart, beautiful cookies shared baking with a little one related to the lovliest most generous man-the two of you bring so much to our table, I will have to take an entire lifetime to thank you, ok?! And the north side girl who has never let me forget that I am not alone, wonder if she knew how often I stumbled but was often picked up by her encouragement, she and her 4 redheads-the woman must be a saint! And my friend from long ago and always, my candle toting, ummmmm...let's just say always, the life of every party and sometimes every sadness. She brings life to life, even when one doesn't want to live much...the truest of the true, I pray she never changes, life would not be so darn orgy like if she did. HA!! All my love and thanks today-eat cookies, be happy! Take care-