Stellar!!!

Many of us spend our whole lives running from feeling with the mistaken belief that you cannot bear the pain. But you have already borne the pain. What you have not done is feel all you are beyond that pain.
Kahlil Gibran

There's a thinker with a cup of java thrown in. Huh...imagine a pimple, come on- hang with me here... a pimple that first erupts with much pain and redness, when finally it comes to a head- you realize that the most painful part is already over. Now you only have to live with an ugly blemish that will in time heal- both inwardly and outwardly. And once the thing heals, it's only remembrance is- frankly, you're glad that it's gone and perhaps now, you'll wash your face before retiring without fail, stay away from too much chocolate and be thankful your face is free of ugly zits!

Don't blame me for the crazy analogies, you came here- you're just asking for it! Anyway, once you've borne the pain- the task is at hand to complete the cycle and become a student of the lesson...or a victim of the pain.

So- here's where I'm at:

Purchased a new truck to replace the old one that my reckless son wrapped around an electrical pole.

(He's alright, I did not kill him...and I'm just as much at fault for handing him the keys to go to a football game.)

He's borne the pain...his lessons, long. I hope and pray he'll find out who he is beyond that day...

Auction folks came out yesterday and took the majority of "stuff" away.

(Antique collector through the years, don't need to haul what is no longer useful, though to a big old farmhouse- the furniture and such was quaint, shabby, sheik and comforting.) To a two bedroom cabin- a rocking chair, crocks, a massive amount of pictures, paintings and books- will be much more apt. Ahhh, the simple life of simple abundance...and yes snow, lots of snow!!!! Bring it on.

Went to the bank and said, "Lookee here....an insurance check, a new truck and thank you so much for being the best bank a gal could ever have hoped for."

Athens State Bank is tops in my book, Mr. John Leinberger has been a trusted banker and friend. And, they hand write out all your receipts and call you by name...

I am dealing with Mayflower to haul my stuff to Maine

...with the promise of uncertainty in finding new truck with towing capabilities, scrapped those plans and called on the good folks at Mayflower.

From the car dealership to Mayflower to Athens Bank to my insurance carrier (Country Companies), may I just say one word about all these folks I've been dealing with as of late.

On a professional scale:

Stellar!!!

So you see, I have much to be thankful for. Beyond all that pain, I am still a student of gratefulness. Kind of wish the universe would change my teacher to Lottery Goddess though, then my lessons might become what to do with millions of dollars! I'm ready universe, I'm ready!!!!

Although I do tend to cuss alot these days, millions of dollars would just add to my language dysfunction right now...but I'm willing to risk it.

By 7:00 AM, I have to take the Labs to the vet for a bit of nipping and tucking, so I'll leave you with this quote:

Fear accomplishes nothing.

And a laugh....

"I'd smother me grandmother for a meellion dollars!"

Take care!

the other side

Does your chest ache? Are you hopeful? Will you still be farming? What, of you, remains at the farm no matter how far you travel from it?

My my, I am honored by the deepness of those questions, from questioners who know a bit of something of life I reckon.

Every inch of me aches...physically and otherwise. I'm no spring chicken ya know! And I've got this gene affliction, passed on by my pop who is by far thee most stubborn, infuriating soul I know- that causes me to be determined beyond the outer limits of the more timid (sane) souls. In my formidable years (all of 'em), I fell in love with the poetry of Walt Whitman. It was though a light went on and every word he wrote, every great and wonderful verse that flowed filled an emptiness in me.

"...Long enough have you timidly waded, holding a plank by the shore,Now I will you to be a bold swimmer..."
-from "Song of Myself" by Walt Whitman

Impressionable as I've always known myself to be- I obeyed. That will Mr. Whitman spoke of was bonafide and iron clad in me. I am a strong swimmer, always will I be. And hope has been my life preserver, keeping me afloat when the current seemed against me.

"And that is where you found me-

At the water's edge.

I could see across the river then...

and I showed you the other side.

But you, in your boat of reason-

Sailed smoothly across,

leaving me to swim..."

Waves-T.L. Starks copyright 2003

I began farming to take a stand against the tide of disconnections in the ever growing ocean of corporate human hands-off bullshit. I for one need connections, need to know where it came from, how lovingly it was prepared. Food is the flavor of life, we all need it, share it, come together in rituals through the ages to partake in the bounty of it. Food is grace. The care of the earth and it's inhabitants have played a central part in my vocation, there is a sense of an ever present common good amongst the rows and I wanted to be a farmer because of that vision. Yes, I will farm- will grow good food and common good as long as I am able. Four season farming will be my goal, in green houses and in spring and summer- greener surroundings. "Growing in a big way" is my motto, my creed- fitting my soul like a liquid shell.

And finally- I had to step outside this morning, in the dark- to see what might remain of me here on this farm. I gazed upwards to see the crop of stars and realized-I'll gladly leave behind for all to wish upon or curse (if need be), a place to plant the seed of dreams. A blanket of stars, there in that night sky- covers each and everyone I know or will never know- with an assurance that even in the darkest dark- the light of the one who created it all penetrates eternally. Some look up at the sky and feel so small while some gaze upon the diamond studded floor of the heavens and sense an enormity beyond their loneliness, their littleness, their solitary souls. (And you know, somewhere deep inside you, that there is no such thing as a solitary soul or you would not have stumbled in here and stayed so long- though please know, I'm so glad you did.) No being ever could sell or trade what is freely given there above you, no one can take it from you- there is no more a fertile place in the universe that I know of, than a starry night sky for wonder upon wonders.

Be well, take care-

left hooks

"...it's a true wonder I breathe at all."

Damn. Ouch. And breathing is a miracle once again, deep breathing- though most needed right now, is out of the question. Shallow, shallow breaths and shallow thoughts and too much damage here as of late. And the list gets longer and longer and my reserves get shorter and shallower, only 17 days now to acquire a new vehicle, a trailer because all the plans made have gone to Hell in a handbasket. Although dear readers, do know- I will not be stifled, saddened maybe- beyond all reason... but stifled, nope.

I've waded through worse, walked a million miles- yes I have. Just thought, innocently-naively- that my quota on bad things happening to good people had been filled. It seems that I have to take everything on the chin...Okay, if that's the way it's got to be, Lord I pray-

No more left hooks.

(No need to go into detail, serves no purpose- those close to me know the deja vu stuff going on....anyway, in a few days I will be back with the lovely questions posed to me- answered. In the mean time,

Take care-)

Spark!

Good morning.

Started my final list- it is 57 lines long.

Caught my girls being happy- carving pumpkins on the front porch. Beautiful sisters.

Gathered with friends last evening for a meal and more.

Catching sight of the colors soon to leave, my oh my how triumphant the blaze these days!

Bright skies greet me, the stars glare with beams of coolness- the night sky of colder days always sharpens the view.

R.D says harvest is in full motion for him...finally!

The farm is sold. All is gold. And I am it's keeper no more...

(Beginning to realize though, I never truly was. Participating these last eighteen years has been an absolute pleasure...)

Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.

~ Dr. Seuss

(and my posts will get better, working on the pics and essaying it up that way...perhaps somebody somewhere will give me a writing/pictorial challenge-C'mon you brave and wondrous wanderers on the net- I want to tell the story of leaving without leaving anything out that matters in pics or words or poetry, but I need a prompt or a thump...something to hold this old blog over for awhile till I get settled in. Something worth reading and raving about...look at it like this, if you could interview someone as a reporter- what might your questions be? Spark the creativity of this here true wonder...)

and as always, do take care-

listen

“If you surrender completely to the moments as they pass, you live more richly those moments.”

- Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Good morning. Today is the day I give it all away. Certainly I will be compensated, but the money- the reward will not come from an amount of dollars and cents, but in a value that cannot be measured. I wept last night before retiring, feeling oh so beside myself with doubts and fears of what ifs and what will be...I cannot know and yet I find this morning- the courage from a prayer- a request for simply peace of mind.

The birds greeted me this morning, robins in the road and a nuthatch hopping down the side of the great Maple in the front yard.

"Ah!" I said, "A nuthatch."

That is enough, a sign for me that all is well, all will be well...

May this home find the good stewards that I have tried to be, may the new owners find in time- the peace that I have come to know. May the sunrises and sunsets speak to them as they have called to me daily- coloring my soul, filling me with wonder. May all who enter here find the joy I have found, may they come and go with a happiness that encompasses every one they meet, may the silent poetry of this place ring in the ears that might learn to listen for such things.

.

May love and only love- continue to grow here.

Amen.