Thursday, September 24, 2009

at their gentle best

Good morning. I've noticed the change in the seasons coming of late, a bit quirky in my observations I suppose, I see things that are poetic in nature and not all together structured to the vision of one's eyes but of one's heart. September has always been a favorite time of year for me, a melancholy month to be sure- Fall hangs like a cloak on the trees and dampens all the webs with dew. It's a time that all good things must end, or rather prepare for deep sleep, spiders have all my sympathy. They are the hardest little workers these days and I marvel at their work ethic, often running into their masterpieces while mowing or walking and then later finding that once again, even with their sure demise just around the corner- they rebuild again and again.

Before the leaves begin their free fall from the old Silver Maples in the yard, it's as though the branches and twigs that hold the stem to the leaves give a final heave and then slowly, deliberately bow- humbled with the weight of so many leaves now left to fall where they may, the trees seem exhausted and droops accordingly. Preying Mantises are everywhere- on the Golden Rod, the flag on the old summer kitchen, on the screens to the sun porch. Green and brown and sometimes a rust red, depending on what they're perched upon. And now too, the birds seem impatient- fighting amongst themselves or perhaps it's time that the little birds found their own way and in their reluctance to leave the nest- they squabble with their parents. The night noises are at their gentle best, coyotes howling in the distance, crickets and tree frogs harmonizing- the melody of September is one I know by heart and love so well. The Big Fish says in Maine- it's much quieter. This worries me so much so that I've decided to tape record my evenings here, just in case the silence breaks my heart. So much to do before the big move, but I cannot forget what sustains me. I must frame each event and give it subtle reference- like "September sunrise" or "late fall reflection" in case I need visuals too, on what has all been blessed assurances to my soul here on this farm.

Ahhh, my days are numbered now- not much longer, the wait. The house will be closed on by mid November, things being mostly settled by mid October, hope I will be too.

Take care-

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

There'll be laughter

There'll be laughter, even after-
You're gone.
I'll find reason, to face
That empty dawn
For I've memorized each line in your face
And not even death could ever replace-
The stories they tell to me.
I'll miss you...Oh how I'll miss you...
And I'll cry a million tears
But the sorrow will pass
And the one thing that will last-
Is the've me.
There'll be laughter...

written by
Iris Dement

A good friend recently lost her dear-sweet husband too soon. I had written in the past of having friends (I'm very blessed with incredible friends who share their lives with me and teach me oh-so-much about love.)
who are truly living lessons in devotion to their mates. This couple were my number two teachers. Yep- I've got another set of soul mates who had been my model for what it must be like to live for an other's happiness. These two couples could not be separated, even in names. They were always the two names said in one breath, in one instance. Death was the only thing that could ever part any of them physically. And death has entered in and left a striking void...and all I can attest too at this time, for this I know and know too well; love never really dies. For them, for their families- mountains may seem like their twin. And for some time, there they will stand in the shadow of the mountain and they'll wonder, waking and in their dreams- how they'll ever get over it.
These things I write here are not meant to sadden but to make aware - the people who share your life are gifts of love. A blessing that must be kissed frequently, reprimanded gently in an argument and loved completely at all times. That's how one moves mountains, by knowing in time- that all was said and all was done, that there will be laughter again because you knew it oh so sweetly before, gratefully acknowledging that no one else could have made you smile so. No one else could have filled you up and made you know more everything than might ever have been discovered or even wished for on your own.
The song up above says so much more than I could ever conjure up. I sang it this morning, thinking of E-and-Jim. I sang it once more- just to see if I could get through it without the waterworks.
How death humbles us, weakens us, batters us- but never, when love is involved- diminishes us.
There'll be laughter...

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

this place of peace

Good morning to you. I have missed out on all the amazing stories on the net lately, no blog reading, very little writing- I'm behind and so far ahead I caught my tail last week! (I'm pretty sure that's Mainer talk...or I just made it up, either way- it paints a pretty vivid picture of the joy of selling a house/farm.)

NO- I haven't sold it yet. I did push aside a pretty lucrative offer because it smelled too fishy. Ever get that feeling that something just ain't right- and if it just ain't right and you have to live with that stinky smell the rest of your life, well- would you do it?! Are you following me?

I have never prayed for a specific amount for this place, I've always just prayed for a fair offer. And- a "gentleman" offered me that fair offer just last week- with a bit of cajoling, then pressure, then harassment, then down right rudeness then the mother of all no no's with me- Manipulation. I had asked for the weekend to make a decision, what I got were sleepless nights, too many phone calls and just downright wonder at why the hell someone would act this way...

But when this person started tearing down the place after months and months of filling my ears with the beauty of it all and how it was move in ready and just what they wanted....

Tact and diplomacy were left back at the office I suppose when this "gentleman" put on rags of manipulation and dishonesty and declared them his latest fashion statement. Sorry buddy, I really appreciated your old attire and would have handed over the keys. Why do folks act so damned shady when it comes to money? I've seen it far too often and it is one of the saddest testaments to human nature- greed.

I spent a sleepless night on this one, tossing and turning- What to do, what to do? About 3 in the A.M Sunday morning- I went out on the porch, sat on the swing, the night was lovely and moon glow bright....And I decided I was going to trust myself. My goods were honest, my home, this land- bright and true. I had nothing to fear, my concern was that if I sold the place in this way, under shady circumstances- the sun might never shine on my memories of the place again. The goodbye would be an apologetic one..."I'm sorry, I hope I did right...goodbye!" I want to leave this place of peace in peace A good Goodbye- so I said thanks but no thanks.

At first I thought I would feel overcome, distraught- how could I say no? I didn't say no- to me. I said yes to me. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, it feels some good.

I won't know the outcome until the outcome...comes. But I do believe I will feel a whole lot better about whatever decisions I make- they'll be right and bright, dappled sunlight is OK, but shady deals? Nope.

Take care-