Tuesday, February 9, 2010

a tale of two soaps

You know, if you think about it...love isn’t really a noun- it’s a verb, an action- and when it takes flight, completely free of any human control, it becomes of itself.  Now I can’t write it like it’s supposed to be said…I get all squirmy.  I guess the point I’m trying to make here- when one expects material diamonds that’s what one may get.  But when one ceases to expect, instead- surrendering, throwing one’s hands up into the air, saying “I just don’t know how this is all suppose to play out,  I give up!”  Somehow, somewhere- it is heard as a prayer, a sincere giving in,  the walls come tumbling down…and all the unexpected diamonds in the rough begin to shine.

Now the trick to keep love flowing and flying is to leave it alone.  To quit poking holes in it with too many questions…very hard for this here over thinker.  What if I don’t expect anniversaries, longevity, even flowers come Sunday- can I live with that?  I don’t know...verb that it is, love keeps me on my toes.

  I chased love across a parking lot the other night, as it became angry- and followed it to bed where it mellowed.  It became talking and laughing and finally- sleeping.  The morning found it curiously seeking a remedy, but none was needed as it became forgiving, simply by letting go and laughing.   Love becomes action if one allows it, I think.  When one tries to commandeer love- like putting a dam up and trying to contain all of it’s goodness in a pool, something of it ceases to flow- stagnating it. 

I started this whole post out completely different from what you’re reading here.  Matter of fact- I wrote the whole column last week, after stepping into the shower and becoming profoundly affected by- two bars of soap.  Isn’t that silly?  I even took a picture as soon as I slipped out of there- those two soaps with significantly different ingredients spoke to me of my relationship with the Big Fish.  And I truly cannot explain what it meant to me to see them there- side by side.

  I only know that I feel something unimagined and for lack of better words- not perfect, but it’s right.  And it flows, on and on, in and out…I don’t know what to make of it, I don’t even know what else to say here…ain’t love grand?  Ain’t it a pain? And soapy and soggy and all too wonderful much of the time, and slow like molasses when I wish it would keep up.  And quiet- like snow sometimes and all in a rage like a thunderstorm too.  Sometimes it’s pale- like an eggshell though sometimes it’s as vivid and bright as a twelve year old’s memory of a candy red new bicycle.  It’s cumulative of all the goodness I’ve ever known- this love does that, bringing back those snippets in heaps. 

With all that felt and said in only the way of a true romantic or an unhinged mind…may everyone who reads this find that simple something in their shower or in that dish they're washing, or in that lumpy, crumpled-up bed that needs made…because love made those messes, not to be tolerated or even obligated by ceremonial oaths- I think that’s just how love lives and beckons us to be- aware of it’s sublimities.  

Enough from me…what do you think? 
Is love something we make up as we go along? 
Is it a verb or a noun? 
Is it something you hold onto or is it best let go…should there be expectations?

(Take care-)


Anonymous said...

Being a little bit of an English nerd, I love questions like these. I think it all depends on who you love. I think when you find the person you were truly meant to love, the definition is forever changing. And when you find that kind of love, you hold on. I don't think you should set expectations, just let fate take over. Then things bigger than any expectation you ever had will start to happen.

And I'm not a fan of elaborate Valentine's gifts. All I've asked for is him, and a Shanemark card (his own personal line, ha-ha).

I hope everyone finds love, verb or noun, not just on Valentine's Day but every day!!

Love, Rhi

truewonder said...

Ahh Rhi...forever changing, good to hold that thought sweetie, 'cause that's the truth.
I am so happy for you...I hope Shane has as much fun making that card as you will receiving it. (I made the kids and Grandma homemade cards this year...I felt giddy doing so.)

Jayne said...

Oh, it's most definitely a verb. And, I keep redefining it at this point in my life too. I think it has to flex, bend, and change as time goes on, or it certainly does become stagnant. Finding that new flexibility is the key I think. Lord, but I adore how you phrase things my friend. :c)

Kim said...

I decided to find and follow you after I read about you making your family homemade Valentines over on the Consciously Frugal blog... Such fun love! I cannot wait to dig a little deeper.

truewonder said...

Oh good, we're not cynics here, oh no! I am always a bit tepid about writing about gushy love, seems it rubs people soft or rubs them hard...thanks Jayne, I like flex...I love words that could mean different things. Flex to bend, or flex to show strength...(spelling?!)
Welcome Kim, aaahhh- I'm glad you came to read about the wacky world of a true wonder, ha!

ConsciouslyFrugal said...

Ah, Kim's here now. See? I bring all the cool kids. :P

I'm going to share a TMI, 'cuz that's how I roll. I was raised in an uber violent environment. It all worked out in the end, but I had no real examples to follow in the realm of the heart. But somehow, I knew it could be different, despite not ever really seeing "different."

For years, I thought love was the heady, romantic, uber-intense nonsense we see on TV and would get disappointed if it fell short of that lie. After enough therapy and the fine art of surrender to the Great Awe that is God, I fell in love with this Scottish man who showed me that love is a kind of quiet tenderness. It's not big or loud, but it shows up in the smallest ways. I'm so grateful I didn't get the shiny, exhausting myth. This quiet, simple thing I have means so much more.

I doubt that answered your question, but at least it gave me a chance to blab incoherently. Oh, Ms. Wonder, how I love your words. <3

truewonder said...

Thank you there Frugal...It's amazing to me how people open up with words, letting us all in the little keyhole of their lives...not to be pitied, but to understand and be understood.
I thought all families and love were like the Brady Bunch- Carol and Mike were every bit my parents...Ma and Pa Ingalls too. Yep- I definitely lived in the mystical realm for a bit too long too...life showed me clearly the truth, that to love and be loved requires first- an acceptance of one's true self. With that vision, one can see the work to be done to improve the conditions...
Love these rich side comments!

ConsciouslyFrugal said...

"life showed me clearly the truth, that to love and be loved requires first- an acceptance of one's true self."

I think I shall tattoo that to my forhead as a gift to humanity.

Sarah said...

Love is fluid. My children, my husband are storehouses for my love for them. With gestures, with words, with hugs and caresses, with food, I give to them so they are full to overflowing, so that love can then saturate all that they do.

Love is also helping you while you puke in a bowl on New Year's Eve, holding your hair back and trying not to puke himself.

Also, someone very wise once told me that love only builds up, supports, joins together, it never tears down.

bam said...

darlin, this is jusst beautiful. and i love that all of it was sparked by two sudsy soaps in the corner of the shower.....you are a marvel......