plenty of rain to sustain

The heart that breaks open can contain the whole universe. -

--Joanna Macy

Forgive me for my whiny as of late complaining posts...truly, I have no reason to complain. I've got a roof over my head, my health and beautiful, beautiful surroundings- including the best friends and children a person could ever hope for. A love of life and the love of my life- this is more than enough for anyone, and it doesn't take a ding dong like me long to figure that out, though sometimes tractors, ancient tractors- get me down because it is a must have tool that I need to keep this place running. Sometimes when things get beyond my expertise and fail me, I guess I get to thinking somehow I have failed. But the whole picture looks like this:

When things break down, I don't have to.

When times get tough, so can I.

When something needs to be done, I can do it- thank goodness I have the capacity of mind to know what I have to do- and can and will do.

When time gets out of hand and runs out, I will not.

When my knees get sore and tired, I will not- I do my best work sometimes upon my knees...praying, pleading, changing oil, getting under the problem and of course, always the one sure thing- gardening.

When people do not react to me with loving kindness, I will anyway.

When the world seems against me, I will be willing to back up a bit and get out of the way. It's way is not my way- never has been, I'll let it pass.

And please, when I get to whining- just tell me to shut up. It serves no purpose to bring others down too.

Four walls and a roof does suffice. (Especially when those four walls are surrounded by trees and flowers and plenty of rain to sustain.)

Oh yes and certainly so...when our hearts are broken, perhaps it is because they only need to break open, the break is not the final assault, it is a beginning in an opening for more, always more.

I have not been out mushrooming again, yet...my grass is getting almost too high for the mower, my farm is presenting more problems for me to heed before the actual sale. Every time the contractor shows up, he seems to say-"the price has gone up on everything."

And I wonder how long my funds will last, will it be enough, can I keep rolling and plugging away, can I truly sell all that is, all I've known, all that I have worked so hard for...and the answer is an affirmative-YES.

Had to break open a bit to see the big, enormous, scary, terrifying, great, mysterious, fascinating, enduring picture. After all, that's what true wonders do...never cease.

Can I get an amen?!

Take care-